Loneliness : A disease?

Everyone feels lonely at some point in their life for example when we have no one to sit next to during lunch, when we move to a new city or when we have no one to spend the weekend with but over the decades this occasional feeling has become chronic illness for millions. 

In India, around 5 million people suffer from loneliness, in the USA 46% of all populations feel lonely. We are living in the most connected time in human history due to technology, yet unprecedented number of people feel lonely. Being lonely and living alone are two different things. You can have a bliss with yourself and hate every second surrounded by others. Loneliness is a purely subjective and very individual experience. If you feel lonely, you are lonely. A common notion is that it only affects people who are introverts and don’t know how to behave with others, but this is not true studies have shown that social skills don’t make any difference when it comes to social connections. Loneliness can affect anyone, even a person with money, power and fame because it’s in one’s biology.

What is Loneliness???

Loneliness is a bodily function just like hunger. Hunger tells us about our physical needs, the same way loneliness tells us about our social needs. Your body cares about our social needs because millions of years ago it was a great reminder of how likely are your chances to survive.

From the evolution perspective, staying in a group meant survival, staying alone meant death. Being social became part of life as gathering food, staying safe and warm or caring for offspring alone was practically impossible, therefore our brain fine-tuned itself to read human emotions more to form and maintain social bonds. To avoid this our body came up with social pain, an early warning system that gives us signals to stop certain behavior that would not be accepted by others resulting in rejection by the group. That’s why rejections hurt, and why loneliness is so painful.

The downside of the Modern World.

The loneliness epidemic we see today started in the late 14th century. Western culture emphasized more on individuality and this trend accelerated in the Industrial revolution. People left villages to move to cities for better opportunities. As e advanced, this trend grew more and more. Today we move vast distances for job, love and education and leave our social net behind. Most people enter into chronic loneliness by accident, you get busy with work, university, romance and social media. The easiest time to sacrifice is friends and one day you realize you feel suffocated and isolated. While today’s generation may think materialistic objects can eliminate the social needs, our body functions in the same manner as it used to 50,000 years ago, it needs the warmth of human companionship.

How Loneliness Kills

Studies have shown that loneliness harms physical health too. You age faster, it makes cancer deadlier, Alzheimer’s advances faster and immune system weaker. It is twice as deadly as obesity or smoking a pack of cigarettes every day. Once it becomes chronic, the brain sees danger and hostility everywhere and it sends the body in self-preservation mode. Because of this perceived hostile world, you can become more self-centered to protect yourself, which can make you appear colder and socially awkward then you already are. 

What can you do about it???

First of all, accept the fact that it is a totally normal feeling and nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone in their life feels lonely at some point, it’s a universal human feeling. It doesn’t go magically as it takes years to develop but you can try self-introspection and slowly you will feel the difference around you.

Of course, every human is different and self-introspection might not be enough. Please try to reach out to professional help. It is not a sign of weakness, but courage. However, we look at being depressed or loneliness as an individual fight or public health crisis, mental health needs more attention. We need to come out and speak up.

Humans have created a wonderful shiny world full of materialistic elements but nothing comes closer to satisfy the fundamental need for biological connection. Let’s start today, reach out to our friends and family and help them.